The Father’s Heart

I have to say, I am confused. I cannot begin to explain how messed up my own family is. Family is a very sensitive topic for me. Where I even came from and how I was brought to this world. It’s hard to explain, it’s hard to speak about. When we were kids, we are to behave like teenagers. Teenagers like adults. And adults like?

What prompt me to write about this is an incident that happened just before dinner today. I got stabbed in the heart by someone who was suppose to give me away. I felt pain, I felt anger, I felt sadness. I was feeling all sorts. I felt like a nobody, like I didn’t matter at all.

My question at the end is “Why didn’t you fight harder for me?” and “What else are you not telling me, are you lying to me?”

It is as if there is a rush to get rid of me. Am I really so unimportant compared to other events? What is it? JUST TELL ME, PLEASE!!!

I cannot bear the fact that my heart keeps breaking every time. There isn’t enough time to recover.

I wanna run. Far far away….

And meet with my Heavenly Father.

What I may not have on earth shall be fulfilled by my Heavenly Father.

Hold me in Your arms, Lord. And never let me go. May I rest with You and be with You forever and ever. Secure me under Your wings and keep me from harm and danger.

Matthew 6:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

I chose not to keep any grudges. But I will learn to forgive. 

Luke 23:34
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”