Thank God for U-turns

I’ve had so many crappy days this month and what? It’s only been 15 days… =.=”
People always say that no matter how crappy days are it is because we chose it. We chose to feel crappy about it and we let it eat us. Is that really true?

Sometimes a serious of unfortunate events does happen. For me it did-today. When things happen not the way we want it to be, there is little we can do. Often we sulk and complain about it. Let it eat us and ruin our day. I admit I complained and that makes me human. No matter how hard I strive for perfection, it never comes…

It was today, at a point of desperation I cried out and said “Goddddd… please make a way… I need to get there and I really… don’t… wanna… be… here!”
I felt like this I could rip off my hair and it’s this frustration/failure feeling that I hate most!

I’ve been looking forward to a Wednesday that is different from other Wednesdays but it seems to not be the plan. So yea… being stuck and not knowing what to do.

At that moment-there was a U-turn sign. I remember my eyes was like and quickly I went on my way. I believe that God heard me!

So… thank God for U-turns in life. He gives us 2nd chances and He opens a way for us to walk back to Him. I thank God for what He had done… things which sometimes I cannot understand with my human mind. Yet I believe His blessings will flow and He cares. So what could happen?

When in chaos – Lord, be the wind in my sails and calm the stormy seas.

and He says… “… be still, and know that I am Lord!”

Faith is like a muscle. The more you feed it, the bigger it’ll get!

I am imperfect. Many many flaws. I guess the danger is when we start to fear ourselves and forget who we are. Someone always said “don’t lose your identity”. I won’t, because I am changing to be better. I am growing to be a more mature and responsible person. With these changes… maybe my identity would change. Because my priorities might change too. Only time would tell. We’ll see…


The Father’s Heart


I have to say, I am confused. I cannot begin to explain how messed up my own family is. Family is a very sensitive topic for me. Where I even came from and how I was brought to this world. It’s hard to explain, it’s hard to speak about. When we were kids, we are to behave like teenagers. Teenagers like adults. And adults like?

What prompt me to write about this is an incident that happened just before dinner today. I got stabbed in the heart by someone who was suppose to give me away. I felt pain, I felt anger, I felt sadness. I was feeling all sorts. I felt like a nobody, like I didn’t matter at all.

My question at the end is “Why didn’t you fight harder for me?” and “What else are you not telling me, are you lying to me?”

It is as if there is a rush to get rid of me. Am I really so unimportant compared to other events? What is it? JUST TELL ME, PLEASE!!!

I cannot bear the fact that my heart keeps breaking every time. There isn’t enough time to recover.

I wanna run. Far far away….

And meet with my Heavenly Father.

What I may not have on earth shall be fulfilled by my Heavenly Father.

Hold me in Your arms, Lord. And never let me go. May I rest with You and be with You forever and ever. Secure me under Your wings and keep me from harm and danger.

Matthew 6:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

I chose not to keep any grudges. But I will learn to forgive. 

Luke 23:34
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”



I barely have time to blog nowadays. And I do not know why… I am just too tired.

Daily schedule seems fine, but it is the fact that when I reach home, I unpack/laundry/pack for next day/internet/Billy-time… it is already midnight and I cannot even think of starting my computer to blog. Though I miss it. I find that it makes me express more from a busy day or just to get some stuff off my chest.


I have so much to say, but not gonna say it all. Just whatever that comes to my mind.

I am starting to get used to work. The little little tiny details that need attention and also starting to think bigger. Not just on the surface, but dig deeper and see future results. It is not an easy task. Sometimes I feel that I am too new and very blur/unsure on a lot of things. Expectations that I cannot meet and it scares me how fast the bus is running.

I’m like a raw piece of meat!

Having said that, I am glad I went through it. Experience is the best teacher. Just like BC49 track 2 says “What doesn’t kill me only will make me stronger”. So whatever that I’ve been through, good or bad, will make me stronger. A lot of positiveness needed here.

What I have learnt is to prioritize. Some things are like lucky draw prizes. I WANT ALL OF THEM!

We need to set our priorities right. Some things might be attractive but doesn’t necessarily be good for us to take. My family comes first. I want to make that a point. I am still learning the “how-to’s” and growing to be a more matured person. So… it will all fall into place, with God’s grace and guidance.


Alright, there are many situations of disrespecting someone. I seldom feel disrespected and I don’t think that it should be something so hard to practice. It should be a natural process and a habit we all do in our daily lives. Today, I felt disrespected.

I disliked the way that person replied to my question. And I disliked the way that person looked at me. And I also dislike that person’s attitude. I did not ask a stupid question. I asked because I was concerned and I was given the instruction to do something for that person, and this is what I get? Yes, it may be a personal preference thing, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize that you are such an egoistic person and the way you talk, puts people off and it doesn’t matter if you are good at what you do.

For example, you might be a SUPERHERO, but if your attitude sucks… sorry, I am not buying it. You can fool the world but someday, it will come back to you. I tried to overlook it and just let it go. But whenever I see you, it goes back to square one. Right now, all I can say is: Whatever, don’t matter. I practice integrity. It is just sad that you don’t.

Right. Now that is OFF my chest!

I know I’m being a little random on this post. 

I am gonna have a good sleep tonight 🙂 Coz I had a great EASYSTEP class and sweated a bucket! No joke! It is only my 3rd solo class and I am glad it turned out good. More great things coming in line this week! Stay positive…

I still miss you…

I was the first thing you see when you opened your eyes

Day and night I made sure that I am by your side

Feeding you six times a day was an experience I will never forget

And after all these years, I would say “I don’t regret!”

I saw you grow and taught you some tricks

Down! Sit! Up! You still try to do it when you were sick

I know you like to eat cheese and bread

And I know you loved taking a nap with me on my bed

You loved biting canvas material and red roses

Sometimes you also sharpen your nails by scratching boxes

When I get home, you never fail to greet me

When I wake, you are also the first thing I see


When you got sick, I didn’t know what to do

No doctor could help and I wished I could save you

It breaks my heart seeing you condition getting bad

After all that I’ve tried, I was helpless and sad

I prepared myself to accept the fact

That one day you will be gone and never come back

I never knew that the day could be today

There is so much in my mind that I wanted to say


Dear Jack, know that I loved you very much

And I still do think about you and such

The best memories of us will never be wiped away

You are so special, no price could pay

I hope that you had a good life from the day we met

I love you very much, my beloved baby cat…


I had a great almost 4 years with Jack. I miss you Jackie…
Here’s some of OUR best memories…

Feeding you SIX times a day… I never thought you would survive! U were tiny.

When you first opened your eyes. You must be wondering why I wasn’t looking like you.

You mastered the art of drinking from the bottle.

Your first walk… steady… steady…

Months later… you’re healthy and had very soft fur.

You loved afternoon naps.

You loved my bed more. Stretch before sleep…

It’s been a week since you died. I missed your presence. I love you my baby boy…

One Month

It has been almost a month since my last post. I have been so busy that I barely have time to blog what’s on my mind. But today… I must!

Many events have passed since my last post. Miracle, The Rebirth & Sh’bam Open Night Launch, ES/EM training. All Fitness First’s events. Hmmmm, maybe that is why I’ve been so busy. I am not gonna post pictures or report on those events. Why? Coz you can find that in my FB. WordPress is like my diary or rather my “blah out” place when something happened.

Alright, where to begin?

It has been more than one month, ten days since I’ve changed jobs and it has been an amazing journey. I’ve learnt so much that I do not know where to start! Met all kinds of people (literally…), spoke all kinds of words, slept so late at night, wake so early in the morn. And not to mention, messed up my hormones,  SERIOUSLY! But right now from where I am, it’s starting to stabilize. Things going pretty smooth and at least I am not lost or blur. I have to say… there’s a lot of hands on training here. No one would actually tell you how to do it, when to do it. It just comes and you will be forced to learn it. There isn’t a manual.

I will not say that I am okay with it, but it’s just part of the job. Some things cannot be avoided and so we gotta stay strong. Yeap, that’s it! I figured that it takes a lot of strength physically & mentally to hold a position like this. It can either kill you or make you stronger. I’m glad that my personality allows me to hold on. It is definitely not for the faint hearted. Or you might end up like this!!!

Anyway… I’ve got a surprise call today 🙂

You know sometimes when things are a little down and you start to doubt and get all these crazy thoughts in your mind, somehow something will pull you back and you get on track again? Yup, I got my dose of that today.

What the caller said has encouraged me to go further, to keep up and persevere. There’s nothing more you need, really. Support and encouragement can drive a person’s determination. I am glad that I am able to help in any way. I’ve always told myself that lending a hand, servicing one another is something that we should have in us. It should be a natural habit. Sadly, not everyone can do that. But then again, if you are capable, why not? I don’t lose anything in helping. In fact, I’m not doing what I did to benefit myself, but others. If it does benefit me, then thank God.

Why did I say that?

I had a few QCC to do and already did some. QCC is where we audit an instructor’s class and give them feedback. Bare in mind, QCC is to help them get better, not criticize or judge. It doesn’t make sense if we are to criticize right? HELLO! They teach in your club and you WANT them to be better! I hope that they did not take QCC too personally. So far nothing like that happened, so it’s all good. During feedback, I’ve encountered many different personalities. I began to see what are their goals and why do they teach.

In my own opinion, teaching a class is not about yourself. It’s about your members. They matter more. I shall not go into this in detail, coz I CAN blog a whole lot about it. So in closing, I have a conclusion. I truly & sincerely believe that we need these 3 essentials to make something work/do well in something.


Humility being at number one!

I shall stop here now. It is 11 August today. In exactly 4 months… I will be walking down the aisle and it is the beginning of another chapter in my life.


Where do you stand?

Some people just talk too much. Or play too much.

Believe it or not, I used to be one too. 

I don’t know if I have stopped, but I am still learning. It is not just something to learn overnight. It could take a lifetime and sometimes you only realize it after you’ve done it. I’m not saying that I am perfect but we all have our ups and downs.

Well, for me, it is a constant reminder to have humility and be humble. It could be the worst thing to do when people are just talking and not listening. Have you ever thought, how does a leader be a leader? I’ve always believed that if you want to lead something, you must be able to “be lead” before. Just like I mentioned on Facebook before, that in order to teach others, you gotta be teachable first.

Sadly, some people are very judgmental. They judge you through your looks, behavior, and worse, your age. We can never stop them from doing that, coz it is the “nature” of being human. But do we really need to prove ourselves? Na’ah… I don’t think so. I’ve heard this saying from somebody. She said “you do not need to explain/prove whatsoever if a person decides not want to listen or just want to go their own way”. As long as you know what you are doing, that’s fine. In time, the results will prove it. When we try to explain, we end up feeling like this…

Being overwhelmed by too many things!

Everyone’s gotta start somewhere, no? I just wonder, what happen to humility and understanding? When people meet, where is the respect for one another? There is a time for everything. A season for everything. But when it’s time to stop, just stop. Time to shut up… just shut up. I seriously don’t care about the experiences or what was done before, but now is NOW. Things change. Don’t you think it’s like a barking dog to the ear?

Anyhow… respect gotta be earned. Have you ever felt like this : Just when you start to respect a person or thought they deserve to be respected, the moment when they can’t be serious, keep going on and on, you just lose respect for them?

I’ve had this. All respect has gone down the drain. Why? Coz when I don’t feel respected, you will not gain my respect either. And once it is done, it’s very VERY hard to regain it. Just like trust… takes a long time to build but once broken… it’s back to square one. This may also lead harassment. When they can’t control what they say or do.

I have to admit, I can’t stand it. I am a pretty protective person. I am protective over the people I care about. If respect is not given to the person I care, you lose my respect too.

You can say I am being a little too sensitive about it or too emotional. Maybe… I’m not denying it. But I really believe in respect and integrity. Respect first and you will gain respect. It takes time, it takes effort.

Regardless of your age or experience or status, respect is needed in a community. Once we’ve mastered it, I bet it could be a much better place to be. I found this while searching in Google about respect. In the nature form or Martial Arts, it is all about respect too.

It is almost 2AM now… and I just needed to get it off my chest. Sleep well and think about how wonderful would it be if respect was part of our lives!





1 Week

It has been a week since I left my job at MCKL. When in the midst of thinking if it was the right move to do, I remember being very afraid that I might be making a mistake and very unsure of the outcome.

Now… I can proudly say, I AM GLAD I DID IT! Yes… I actually can feel that burden lifted of my shoulders and finally doing something that is more meaningful in my life. Currently, Fitness First certainly doesn’t feel like merely a job but part of my life! What’s the best part is, that it found me. Not that I found it. I still remember just about 6 weeks ago, I poured out my heart about the troubles I have at work and what I wanted to do. Something more, something worth it. And it was definitely God-planned. Never thought that a simple meet up that came out of a sudden, last minute even because of a tiny matter of an iPod. WOW!

Every job has it’s pros and cons. I’m too raw to say it’s all good. But for now, it’s been good and I am loving every minute of it. Yes, I do complain about all the emails and communications and things happening here and there. Planning, schedule-ing, meetings, traveling, etc etc. But this is not a complain “complain”. It is an “I LOVE IT” complain 😀

How else should I explain it? There’s no need to explain. Those who can see, then let them see. I’ve only been here few days, literally. But I have learnt so much that it felt long enough. There’s more to it. More challenges, more obstacles. Having said these, does not mean that it’s all gonna be bad. Every problem has a solution. If it is unsolvable by human, then let God do it. He CAN do all things, right? What’s the worry then?

Right now, I have this on my face.

Not that I an not tired from work. Oh, I am! The hours are just the same, maybe even more. But somehow, I’m okay with it. Like for example, yesterday I had Bible class from 8-10pm. My usual Monday night class. Normally I would go home after work, shower, eat, nap if can, then go or class. It made me feel so lethargic and I was so tired almost every week and I just wanted to quit. Now I thank God I didn’t. Yesterday I went for the class straight away from MML. Stayed back after meeting for some work and guess what? I didn’t feel as tired or unhappy as I used to be. I am actually happy! I actually felt good about it.

I am not gonna be foolish and say it is ALL GOOD and all that. Probably months from now, I might actually be complaining “complaining”!!! But hey… it hasn’t happen so why anticipate that? Now is now and since I am at this moment, let me enjoy it as much as I can. I AM HAPPY! It is a different kind of happy that I cannot explain. I AM HAPPY!

If there was a way I can make my smile bigger, I’d have to do this.

Hahahahahaha! Alright. It has been a long long day and I am very tired. It’s bedtime…