Where do you stand?

Some people just talk too much. Or play too much.

Believe it or not, I used to be one too. 

I don’t know if I have stopped, but I am still learning. It is not just something to learn overnight. It could take a lifetime and sometimes you only realize it after you’ve done it. I’m not saying that I am perfect but we all have our ups and downs.

Well, for me, it is a constant reminder to have humility and be humble. It could be the worst thing to do when people are just talking and not listening. Have you ever thought, how does a leader be a leader? I’ve always believed that if you want to lead something, you must be able to “be lead” before. Just like I mentioned on Facebook before, that in order to teach others, you gotta be teachable first.

Sadly, some people are very judgmental. They judge you through your looks, behavior, and worse, your age. We can never stop them from doing that, coz it is the “nature” of being human. But do we really need to prove ourselves? Na’ah… I don’t think so. I’ve heard this saying from somebody. She said “you do not need to explain/prove whatsoever if a person decides not want to listen or just want to go their own way”. As long as you know what you are doing, that’s fine. In time, the results will prove it. When we try to explain, we end up feeling like this…

Being overwhelmed by too many things!

Everyone’s gotta start somewhere, no? I just wonder, what happen to humility and understanding? When people meet, where is the respect for one another? There is a time for everything. A season for everything. But when it’s time to stop, just stop. Time to shut up… just shut up. I seriously don’t care about the experiences or what was done before, but now is NOW. Things change. Don’t you think it’s like a barking dog to the ear?

Anyhow… respect gotta be earned. Have you ever felt like this : Just when you start to respect a person or thought they deserve to be respected, the moment when they can’t be serious, keep going on and on, you just lose respect for them?

I’ve had this. All respect has gone down the drain. Why? Coz when I don’t feel respected, you will not gain my respect either. And once it is done, it’s very VERY hard to regain it. Just like trust… takes a long time to build but once broken… it’s back to square one. This may also lead harassment. When they can’t control what they say or do.

I have to admit, I can’t stand it. I am a pretty protective person. I am protective over the people I care about. If respect is not given to the person I care, you lose my respect too.

You can say I am being a little too sensitive about it or too emotional. Maybe… I’m not denying it. But I really believe in respect and integrity. Respect first and you will gain respect. It takes time, it takes effort.

Regardless of your age or experience or status, respect is needed in a community. Once we’ve mastered it, I bet it could be a much better place to be. I found this while searching in Google about respect. In the nature form or Martial Arts, it is all about respect too.

It is almost 2AM now… and I just needed to get it off my chest. Sleep well and think about how wonderful would it be if respect was part of our lives!

 

 

 

 

1 Week

It has been a week since I left my job at MCKL. When in the midst of thinking if it was the right move to do, I remember being very afraid that I might be making a mistake and very unsure of the outcome.

Now… I can proudly say, I AM GLAD I DID IT! Yes… I actually can feel that burden lifted of my shoulders and finally doing something that is more meaningful in my life. Currently, Fitness First certainly doesn’t feel like merely a job but part of my life! What’s the best part is, that it found me. Not that I found it. I still remember just about 6 weeks ago, I poured out my heart about the troubles I have at work and what I wanted to do. Something more, something worth it. And it was definitely God-planned. Never thought that a simple meet up that came out of a sudden, last minute even because of a tiny matter of an iPod. WOW!

Every job has it’s pros and cons. I’m too raw to say it’s all good. But for now, it’s been good and I am loving every minute of it. Yes, I do complain about all the emails and communications and things happening here and there. Planning, schedule-ing, meetings, traveling, etc etc. But this is not a complain “complain”. It is an “I LOVE IT” complain 😀

How else should I explain it? There’s no need to explain. Those who can see, then let them see. I’ve only been here few days, literally. But I have learnt so much that it felt long enough. There’s more to it. More challenges, more obstacles. Having said these, does not mean that it’s all gonna be bad. Every problem has a solution. If it is unsolvable by human, then let God do it. He CAN do all things, right? What’s the worry then?

Right now, I have this on my face.

Not that I an not tired from work. Oh, I am! The hours are just the same, maybe even more. But somehow, I’m okay with it. Like for example, yesterday I had Bible class from 8-10pm. My usual Monday night class. Normally I would go home after work, shower, eat, nap if can, then go or class. It made me feel so lethargic and I was so tired almost every week and I just wanted to quit. Now I thank God I didn’t. Yesterday I went for the class straight away from MML. Stayed back after meeting for some work and guess what? I didn’t feel as tired or unhappy as I used to be. I am actually happy! I actually felt good about it.

I am not gonna be foolish and say it is ALL GOOD and all that. Probably months from now, I might actually be complaining “complaining”!!! But hey… it hasn’t happen so why anticipate that? Now is now and since I am at this moment, let me enjoy it as much as I can. I AM HAPPY! It is a different kind of happy that I cannot explain. I AM HAPPY!

If there was a way I can make my smile bigger, I’d have to do this.

Hahahahahaha! Alright. It has been a long long day and I am very tired. It’s bedtime…

Good student?

That is one question I ask myself when I’m at my Monday lectures… it is always, most of the time, ok fine! Sometimes… boring! Hahaha…

The subject changes every 3 weeks and an assignment as well. So far this year we had  assignments and I’ve yet to hand in any of it! It’s already end on June. But today… today…. I DID IT! I handed in one of them 🙂 that’s coz I had plenty of time to actually sit and do it. It felt so good that I finished and it drives me to become a better student.

I am on MC this 2 days (Mon& Tues) and it is given by the hospital. MCKL cannot deny me of this! Having said that, I still went to office today. Mainly coz I need to return the bags and stuff I took to Ipoh for a fair on Saturday. The other half day, went to TDMC to get my x-ray report and then went home to rest.

Tomorrow, still ON MC. But I’m gonna go onto office for the first half of the day again. Just to clear my things and say good-bye to my current colleagues. I will miss some of them 😦 but we all will move on. This place is not for me. I felt such a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders 🙂 After a long time of contemplation, I’m glad that I’ve made this decision. The great thing of it all moving so quickly, is because God is in it! Thank you Jesus!

 

U-Turn…

My BODYCOMBAT marathon didn’t quite work out the way I expected it to.

Sad? Yes…

Sorry? Yes also…

*sigh*

Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves. There’s no one else to blame for it. Like I always say, “the greatest enemy is yourself!” How true is that?

Right now I have to take a turn. What kind?

This kind. I need to take a U-turn. Go back and start over. I’ve been stubborn. I’ve been doing what I should not do. Well, I’m guessing you might be wondering what am I talking about. It doesn’t matter, really. It’s me. It’s my body which I didn’t listen to. Now it’s screaming for help. Serious help. We always tell out members to “listen to your body”. In real fact, as instructors, we are the NUMBER ONE in NOT doing that.

Why?

Coz we are crazy! We love what we do so much that we can’t give it up. We want too much that we can’t handle.

Do I regret?

Not really. If I hadn’t made a mistake, how am I suppose to learn from it? Obviously, making mistakes allows us to learn. Mistakes teach us something. Mistakes are there to make us become better at what we do. It isn’t a failure. It is taking a step back and learning another way of what NOT to do.

I’ve made one and so, I’ve learned. It’s a physically painful process. Oh yes, and emotionally challenging too.

This is how I feel. Constrained and bedridden. Of course it is only exaggerating… but for this week. I’m gonna be like that. I chose to rest. I chose to let it go and let God lead. And when time comes….

Will I ever be able to do what I love most?

It seems very far away now. I should learn to take things positively. Maybe there’s a reason for this. Some time for contemplation and rest. Think about my life and how good the Lord has been. Instead of asking “why”, just surrender. Let it go and let Him know my deepest thoughts. Only God can understand. Only He is able to make us feel content.

Lord, I am waiting. Teach me Your ways and heal me. Give me new foot! It is so possible for You to do. I will not be complaining anymore. I’ve learnt. You know how I’ve hated not knowing if it was a “yes” or a “no”! I dislike uncertainty. It makes me confused. But this time… I’m gonna trust You. Removing the mountain of doubt isn’t an easy task, but I’m making it a habit.

  Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint; 
   heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.
                                                         Psalm 6:2 

 

Beautiful Wednesday

Today was my 2nd last day of going for school education fairs. SMK Kepong Baru. I was so tired since the morning. Probably coz I did not get enough sleep as well… my body was feeling so lethargic and I really felt like sleeping. Just… let… me… sleep… ZZzzZZzzz…

This was exactly what I felt like doing… but of course not. So I dreadfully held on from 2pm to 5pm. Made myself walk around the college… breathe and stay awake. Left office at 5.15 pm and there was a but of traffic on the highway… luckily I didn’t fell asleep while driving but I could. I know I could!

Reached TCV for RPM and voila! Adrenaline rush… It is true that somehow, when you start to exercise, after a tired day from work, you will suddenly have that boost and energy. Of course it might not happen if you are sick or just too tired from doing anything. So yeap, I enjoyed the class but oh boy… my chest! Blame BODYPUMP! I took my regular weights yesterday and felt the soreness. Especially on the chest.

Oh don’t get me wrong… I complain but I enjoy the pain. Coz it tells me that I’ve worked hard. Haha! I find it hard to grip the bike at RPM coz I can’t close my chest… stretching it felt better but it was so sore…@.@

After that I TT Lose It! with Ben and it was so good to see so many members in the class. I’ve still a lot to learn… much to study and much to improve on. Nevertheless, glad that the members got what they need and seeing them work hard is such an inspiration and it reminded me of what I used to do last time when I was obese. Yes… I weighed 89 KILOS!

Tomorrow is gonna be a BODYCOMBAT marathon for me. Call me crazy but I am looking forward to it! BC 48 is here to stay and burn!!! I wonder how many kCal per class as instructors. Anyone knows for sure? I believe it is more than running on the treadmill itself!

I know it contrasts to what I’ve said earlier. About being so tired and stuff. But when it comes to teaching? I love every moment of it! I wanna push myself harder on stage. Burn those calories and get fitter and stronger. I will have my recovery 🙂 2 days off gym after that. Reason 1: I am attending my former school’s band concert. Reason 2: I will be “WORKING” on Saturday. Travelling down to Wesley Methodist School, Ipoh. Go and come back in 1 day… *sigh* maybe it isn’t that bad I hope. Luckily I have Benni going with me. Thank you BenniBoo! :-*

So… speaking of working harder in the gym… I need to see the scale going down! HELP!

Get fitter guys… for health and for your family. Just spend 1 hour to exercise, could give you few years of life. Life’s a great journey, live it!

The best time…

The BEST hour at work is LUNCH HOUR!!!

Yep, that is exactly how I felt! It’s like a total FREEEEEEEE bird!

Why?

Coz I find the people i my department not that friendly. Well, maybe that is because I work with them. And being in an office. Closed-up. Air Conditioned. Dim. Makes me feel lethargic all the time. Not like I can have lunch with them as well. Coz there are ony 3 of us. We can’t all go out at once coz “someone” always has to be in, just in case any student/parent comes. Especially at this peak season.

At my usual lunch hours, I lepak in the pantry. With the people from other departments and I have to say, I LOVE IT! We shared, talked, laughed, talked again, eat. It’s the time where we can enjoy one another’s company without feeling all the rush and stress from work. It’s “the” place I’d like to be in this workplace and I get to express and be myself. Probably it is good to have flexible lunch hours. I’m not complaining of late lunches or anything. Sometimes, of course, I feel starved. Then again… the pantry has FOOD. All kinds. Hahahaha… I have to say, I eat most of it! Who doesn’t love food? I do!

So… look forward to your lunch hours and don’t forget to bring an apple! That was totally random! :p

Monday Blues

Believe em?

I think it’s a choice. Walking into this place makes me feel sick. I don’t wanna be here.
What’s keeping me sane right now, is the thought of “just a few more days… just a few more days” and I shall be free from this burden and of course, BBM.

What’s BBM?
The Blackberry messenger. Talking to a good friend of mine definitely keep me sane and excited for the new challenge. Of course, Benni would always see me on MSN of Whatsapp. But usually, he might be busy at work too.

Time flew by so quickly. I can’t remember much of what happened in the past half year. It’s like so many things had come and gone, so quickly, I am not able to gather the memories as much as I wanted to. The 2nd half of the year, I’ve got a goal. I’ve got a resolution.

The past is history, let’s look forward to the future and move on. Get exited and be positive!